He suffered from a mild stroke, and because of it he was grumpy, I guess. I was the one who took care of him while he was at the hospital - and at the same time, I chose not to file a leave back then (if I am not mistaken). So, it was tiring physically and at the same time emotionally.
I remember one time, when I got too emotional because of my Tatay's ungrateful and unloving treatment towards me... then one of the nurses just went inside the room to check my father's blood pressure w/o me noticing it. I chose to just cover my face and turn around, while I was still crying.
You might be thinking, I have a valid reason to blame God or to questioned Him. But for me there is NO reason to blame Him. In fact, God never left me, He sustained me and even provided money for me and my sister to pay the bills in the hospital. I've learned to depend on Him daily and to love my father just as how God loves me.
One day later, the ashfall in Mt. Pinatubo happened. Good thing we were in the hospital because it could be more dangerous for my father to be in our house.
Fast forward to March 2020, my father got admitted again on another hospital, because of the second stroke. This time, he cannot stand up on his own because the half of his body was affected.
We stayed in the hospital less than 5 days, by God's grace we were home even before the pandemic started. This time, I needed to file some leave because I don't have place to sleep because we were in a ward room only.
Fast forward to June, I take care of my dad at home while I was working. My usual shift is from 7am to 3pm with an extra work from 6pm-8pm (it is not that toxic at those time).
At first, I was hesitant because almost everything that I am doing was first time. I had to change diapers (I am not yet married, in fact I am single since birth - so, it was kind of awkward for me at first to be honest), bathe him, feed him, cook for him, etc.
The hardest part for me was to feed him, specially when he doesn't want the food that I'd serve. The usual scenario is I will pray with him, then I will try to feed him, and then he will say no and be grumpy or even try to punch me on the face, kick me, or the like, then I will cry because it is hard for me to see him that way, and then after a few minutes he will eat. He will even tease me as I cry, and wonder why I was crying. As I cry, I pray to God for His grace to sustains me according to His will.
Indeed He is faithful, and I cannot imagine doing it all without God. He is the One who allowed me to experienced all of those to mold me into His image, for my sanctification.
Pandemic changed me a lot, it allowed me to focus on God, to focus on my family and to use my time wisely for His glory alone.
There's more to say, will come back again, soon....
